Posts Tagged ‘woman’

I can never forget my first


He is etched on my heart and soul

From when I was innocent and untouched

Not yet soiled by society

Still naive and hopeful

Passionate and creative

Dreaming of a bright future

But then I was ripped from my fantasies

Stripped bare

Raped by medicine and doctors and diagnoses

I was a virgin penetrated by traumas

It was painful

I didn’t belong

I longed to escape from my cage

And so I burned my Self to the ground

Resurrecting and liberating myself

On the ninth day

My first love never came to me

He never held me

Nor did he touch me

All I had was his words

Brief glimpses of his voice that I have since forgotten

And photos

Eleven years have passed

I am now married and living abroad

He is engaged to another

Yet we are closer than before

Nothing will ever happen that could compromise our evolved lives

But I do hope that one day our bodies will someday stand in the presence of one another

And our souls will greet one another

With love, light, happiness, and peace

Because out of that tumultuous time

Came a Phoenix

She has been reborn on several occasions

Over the years

Yet there is still the innocent dreamer

Hidden beneath the ashes


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Wind whistles through the leaves

Whispering condemnations and judgments

Chattering, screeching, confusion

From above and all sides

As she stumbles through the woods


Roots of the established earth trip her

Almost as if with purpose

She does not take the time to brush off

The gathering dirt and debris

Increasing her burdens to bear


Lost alone afraid

Clutching what is hidden tightly in her hands

Reluctant to release yet knowing the necessity

She must find a place

Free from prying eyes


A towering tree proud with age and strength

How she wishes she could be

Is where she finally stops

Breath hitching and gasping for relief

Searching left and right to assure solitude


Kneeling down in the soft mossy earth

She digs with her fingers grasping desperately

Once at desired depth she reverently reaches for

Her hidden treasure


Taking one last long and pained look

She carefully sets her cloth-wrapped heart in the earth

Burying it beneath the watchful guardian

Where it will be safe and hidden

Until she decides to retrieve it


And so she walks away





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She had no idea

(I was inspired to write this after reading an article about the Indian woman gang-raped on a bus recently. As a warning before you read it, it gets graphic near the end… My heart breaks for her and every other woman violated all over the world.)

She had no idea what going out tonight would mean

In a country where women are seen

As less than men

And treated as such

She went out with him

A male friend

Nothing particularly out of the ordinary

Just seeing a film at the cinema

She came out smiling and laughing

Glad for the company

Who cares what the movie was about?

She boarded the bus with her friend

Picked out the seat

In the middle

Sat down

And without realizing sealed her fate

She saw the men get on at the next stop

Six men

One of them a minor

Not even a man yet

All glancing at her with sneers

And derision for being there

She didn’t belong

She heard the first one initiate the taunts




She was ashamed

She saw another pull out an iron rod

Where did it come from?

He rose up from his seat

Moving toward her and her friend

Like a beast stalking its prey

She cringed as the rest followed suit

Pulling her friend aside

Beating him into submission

And tossing him away

She cried out in terror

As they dragged her to the back of the bus

And proceeded to violate her

In such monstrous ways that could not be described





All scratching

All beating

All slapping

All biting

All violating

She didn’t see the iron rod being brought forth

Plunging inside her

All the way into her being

Until it dragged out her insides

Dragging out her life’s essence

Dragging out her soul

At least she was mercifully borne away by the angels

Before she could experience that pain

How could the bus driver have allowed this

Going on a joy ride

Looking back in the mirror

Watching the murders

With sick satisfaction?






(Note: I’m not sure if the woman on the right is the actual woman that was raped on the bus. I’ve heard from some that it isn’t her. My heart goes out to all those affected and traumatized by rape. Hopefully more action to prevent a tragedy such as this from happening again can be taken.)



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I wrote this my freshman year at university for my Cultural Anthropology class. It’s dated December 14, 2008.

Strip Aerobics Ethnography

            The concept of stripping has always been a taboo in certain societies and cultures. And aerobics have always been great forms of exercise and ways to keep in shape to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Yet lately the two concepts have merged and are seen in gyms and practiced in homes all over the nation. Why? Is exercising supposed to be sexy? Can women benefit in their health by incorporating stripper moves in a regular workout routine? The answer to these questions is a resounding and confident, Yes! A group of girls and I asked ourselves the questions: Why do women participate in strip aerobics? What motivates them? We came up with the hypothesis that in embracing this newer style of fitness, women gain a great self-confidence and empowerment with themselves that helps with all aspects of their lives. To test this theory, we went to The Fitness Studio at the LifestyleCenter in Clayton, MO to participate in a Cardio Strip Fit and Pole Dancing class as well as another involving a chair.

Further understanding can be reached when researching the history behind the universal of the female body in addition to the history of strip aerobics. From early times, women’s bodies were considered men’s property, to be viewed, used, or shunned at their convenience. Over time, the standards for the ideal figure have gone through a massive evolution. In Austria, a 20,000 year-old figurine was found that was named the “Venus of Villendorf.” The woman had a very large body with massive breasts. It’s believed that this figurine was used in rituals concerning fertility. During the late Middle Ages, beauty was having a belly, looking pregnant. This was seen as a sign of a good healthy body that was easily capable of bearing healthy children. Being thinner was a sign of frailness and possible complications with birth. In the Baroque period, voluptuous, stout, and luxuriant bodies were valued. The 1800’s brought about “wasp waists” which quickly became popular. To gain that tiny abdominal shape, women would remove some of their ribs and wear a corset (Gillespie 203). Fast forwarding to the “Roaring Twenties,” curves were no longer the ideal, with thin, lithe bodies desired instead. This body style was also seen as acceptable throughout the Great Depression because having a larger body caused others to perceive that person as hoarding and wasteful during those difficult times.

Today, the current fashion involves a taut, small-breasted, narrow-hipped, and slim body that is near emaciation. It’s interesting how this ideal is almost like an adolescent boy or newly pubescent girl (Bartky 28)!  This is sought after by spending large amounts of time on exercise, money, cosmetic surgery, and emotional energy on diet (Weitz 9). Seen all over the fashion runways, most women can’t whittle their bodies that thin without getting into a serious medical condition like anorexia nervosa. Skin must be soft, supple, hairless and smooth with no sign of wear, experience, age or deep thought, therefore causing women to spend a ridiculous amount of money on cosmetics as well (Bartky 31).

Breasts are one of the most defining aspects of a woman’s femininity. There is “one perfect shape and proportion…round, sitting high on the chest, large but not bulbous with the look of firmness.” Yet in actuality, with the norm, if “breasts are large, their weight will tend to pull them down…floppy rather than firm” (Young 153). With such a high demand for perfect bodies, cosmetic surgery abounds. “Women’s bodies have long been considered little more than malleable clay to be reshaped to meet whatever the standard of the day, no matter what the risk, discomfort or pain” (Gillespie 203). The most common form is a liposuction with breast augmentations being the second most popular choice. There have even been at least 12 deaths reported resulting from liposuctions (Morgan 165). It’s amazing what lengths women go to attempt to have this ideal and unattainable body.

Cardio striptease was founded by American actress and producer, Shelia Kelley, calling her workout the “S Factor.” According to Kelley, “S Factor came to life after I discovered my sensual power and a fit body while researching and preparing for a role in the film Dancing at the Blue Iguana” in which she played a stripper. She would do it in her home office and then invited friends and fellow moms. When she wasn’t recognizing her visitors, she began to charge. It’s comprised of a lower body workout on the bum and thighs. The majority of the work is in a deep squat position. It builds a strong core with slow and smooth moves.  To put it simply, it can be personalized to any woman, glorifying the natural curves and moves to celebrate the beauty of the female body.

I was highly intrigued and excited when I found out that our Cultural Anthropology class would be going out in the real world with a group to study a culture different from our own, immersing ourselves in it and like Donna White said, “becoming a fly on the wall.” Hoping there would be an idea of a culture that would catch my fancy, I listened to hear ideas. The Strip Aerobics idea immediately jumped out at me! I quickly gave my name to Rebecca, and we got together as a group to plan which studio to go to that offered these classes. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t believe that I would be doing this! I’m a shy woman that isn’t quite comfortable with my body! How could I get the courage to participate in aerobics that exude sexiness? Sure, guys have called me sexy and gorgeous, but me believing that is a different matter. Yet despite my nervousness, I decided to take the plunge and step out of my comfort zone. We chose The Fitness Studio at the LifestyleCenter in Clayton, MO because it seemed like a very clean and friendly environment. On Monday evening, November 3rd we would be attending the Cardio Strip Fit and Pole Dancing class, and Wednesday evening, November 5th we would be attending another class involving the chair. The attire required were comfortable clothes we could easily move and work out in and then, of course, high heels.

Monday night, all of us met up in the Webster parking garage, our cute and sexy heels in tow. As we waited, we started to talk about how we felt about this and our expectations. Some had boyfriends that they wanted to try some of these moves on and others just wanted to have fun. I personally was in the second group since my man lives far away. Plus, I wanted to boost my self-confidence and loosen my inhibitions.

Upon entering the LifestyleCenter, I took in an impressed breath. It was such a clean and decorative environment! The first area was a spa area where women could have manicures and pedicures. I almost felt like I was being transported to an exotic environment with the attractive plants and the simple yet elegant décor. As we ventured in, we entered the gym area where there were all kinds of fitness equipment. A few women were focused, using the equipment to their fullest extent. Then we noticed the little pictures of high heels on the floor in a trail that would lead us to where the strip aerobics classes would be held. Laughing, we climbed down the steep steps and went to the bottom floor.

Enthusiastic employees excitedly greeted us and were so glad that we came. The woman in charge of the studio had even given us a discount rate since we came as a group and would be participating in several classes. We registered and filled out information while waiting to enter the main room when the class would begin. There was a big sign as well as pictures of real, confident, and sexy women. Cute little chairs lined the walls, and there was even a display shelf of various high heels! Slowly but steadily, more women came trickling in. I was happily surprised that I was wrong in my assumption that every woman there would be in fit shape with the body of a stripper already. Sure there were a few, but the majority had normal bodies of all shapes, sizes, and curves. Women of all ethnicities were there as well. Our Webster group made up the youngest girls there. One of us remarked about how we would look as we participated, and a woman told us, “Once you get into it, you won’t care at all what you’re wearing or how you look!”

Suddenly, music began to blare out of the performance room where our classes would be held, and the doors opened. The music had a very sexy beat; I immediately found myself swaying to it and loosening up. There were over 20 women in the room! It was going to be quite a hot night! Mirrors comprised the wall in the front of the room, and there were two poles in the middle, closer to the front. Figures of men from the waist up were pushed against the far right wall; I believe those were used for self defense classes, or maybe there was a sexier use for them that we didn’t participate in.

As we formed lines, our instructor moved to the front of the room and started us on a little warm-up routine. I can’t remember the song title. There were many hip rolls and dips as well as leg stretches. After a while, she began us on the main routine, dancing to “Obsession” by Shakira. We told the story of the music with our bodies. My hands roamed over my body in a seductive manner, I was so immersed in the sexy state of mind. I had unleashed a side of me I never knew existed! It really felt like, with our movements, we were making our man sorry that he had left us for another woman. A lot of footwork was involved, and I was too worried about making sure I had the steps and moves down to worry about how I was looking! That woman earlier was right! I’d never worked out in heels before and could certainly feel it in my feet! I was working up a nice sheen of sweat and felt great about it! I could feel the muscles all over my body at work, especially my thighs and abs. The lines rotated as we performed several times so each row could be in the front. To end the night, we all took out mats near the wall and performed another workout that really focused on our abs. There was even a move where we laid back, grabbed the heels of our shoes with our hands and thrusted upwards with our hips! It seemed more like a warm-up routine than a closer. Finally, the instructor taught us some moves with the pole and invited everyone to try them. I was a bit too self-conscious though and waited until most everyone left. But we all left smiling and went to bed tired!

The second class involving the chair began the same way as the cardio, with a little warm-up routine without the chair. I noticed that some of the same women from the previous class were there. The song we used for our main routine was “Buttons” by the Pussycat Dolls. Boy, did I feel like a sex kitten! I personally felt that this routine was more intense than Monday night. There were many squats, and I could feel the burn in my thighs. We got down low, kicked high over our chairs, climbed on the chairs, crawled on the floor, and spread our legs. I felt so empowered! Afterwards, my legs were sore for a couple days.

In conclusion, I had so much fun! It was such a wonderful experience, and I’m glad I participated in strip aerobics. No garments were actually taken off, but the instructors showed us how we could incorporate it into our routines. Our group was correct in our hypothesis. Women became very empowered and confident as they performed. It builds self-esteem and relieves stress. Yes, it’s used for personal gain and enjoyment, but we cannot forget the men in our lives. It helps them know how privileged they are to have women like us!



❤ Me


Works Cited

“About Shelia Kelley’s S Factor.” Shelia Kelley’s S Factor. 2008. 14 December 2008. <http://www.sfactor.com/movement/aboutthes.asp&gt;

Bartky, Sandra Lee. “Foucault, Femininity, and the Modernization of Patriarchal Power.” The Politics of Women’s Bodies: Sexuality, Appearance, and Behavior. Ed. Rose Weitz. New York: OxfordUniversity Press, 2003. 25-45.

Gillespie, Marcia Ann. “Mirror Mirror.” The Politics of Women’s Bodies: Sexuality, Appearance, and Behavior. Ed. Rose Weitz. New York: OxfordUniversity Press, 2003. 201-205.

Morgan, Kathryn Pauly. “Women and the Knife: Cosmetic Surgery and the Colonization of Women’s Bodies.” The Politics of Women’s Bodies: Sexuality, Appearance, and Behavior. Ed. Rose Weitz. New York: OxfordUniversity Press, 2003. 164-183.

Weitz, Rose. “A History of Women’s Bodies.” The Politics of Women’s Bodies: Sexuality, Appearance, and Behavior. Ed. Rose Weitz. New York: OxfordUniversity Press, 2003. 3-11.

Young, Iris Marion. “Breasted Experience: The Look and Feeling.” The Politics of Women’s Bodies: Sexuality, Appearance, and Behavior. Ed. Rose Weitz. New York: OxfordUniversity Press, 2003. 152-163.

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February 15, 2009:

Burst of flame

In a brilliant ball of




And Blue


In an inferno

That kills her life


In black ashes

Glowing embers

Still envelop

The woman

With a dark

Black shroud

The air steadily



Cooling the fire

Letting her breathe

Entries for slow

Deep breaths

Emulating from her bosom

Eyes closed



She lifts up everything

And rises

Re-born into

A phoenix

Lifting up her outstretched and

Ethereal wings

To the heavens

Where she finds






❤ Me

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