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Posts Tagged ‘sick’

I am sick of the slut-shaming from people that have known me my entire life. I’m sick of the judgmental condescension and refusal to take time to understand how I feel. It’s thanks to people like them that try to make women feel badly about their bodies and being confident enough to share intimate parts of their character whilst still having an element of mystery.
I share private thoughts in my poetry to expose pieces of my soul for others to read and identify a part of themselves in my work. That’s what being an artist is all about.
And when you’ve endured constant criticism and bullying about your appearance from peers and family, damn right I’m going to share photos of myself that I’m proud of in an attempt to re-wire my thoughts to try and believe that I’m beautiful and worthy of love.

No wonder I’m so messed up inside. It’s because of people like you that shame me into feeling badly about who I am as a person and woman of independence, individuality, and strength.
And you wonder why I distance myself from people like you.

 

(When it comes to personal feelings, I usually post them on my blog in the form of poems, but recent events made me too angry to make it poetic. I’ll leave my rant at that.)

Pulling Hair Out

 

-Me

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(Here are more dreams from young Jenna!)

February 3, 2000:

I dreamt that I was at school, and we did our normal things that we usually do every morning. Then it was time for our bee on the Southeast States and Capitals. I got sick in the middle of it.

 

February 13, 2000:

(I made a note that I was 19 in this dream. I dreamt this at age 9.)

I dreamt that we had a family reunion at my house. We also invited good friends of ours. When we were waiting outside a car drove up. A woman came outside and a 20 year-old boy that looked a lot like Lance. I just stared there at the boy and then I fainted. The boy and his mom rushed to my side (so did my mom). My mom could not carry me inside so the boy did. He carried me all the way to my bed. Everyone then went downstairs except the boy. He knew a way to wake me up. He kissed me. I did wake up. I asked him why he kissed me, and he said he kissed me because he loved me the moment he saw me. I said that I did too. When we went downstairs we walked close to each other. When it was bedtime the boy had nowhere to sleep, so I let him sleep in my bed with me. He was delighted to. While we were in bed, he told me that he was really Lance from NSYNC, and he was madly in love with me. I said I was too. The next day Lance asked my parents if he could take me horseback riding. They said yes. We went horseback riding. At the end he kissed me. We had many adventures together. In the end, we married.

 

November 6, 2000:

My class was doing a class trip to this one museum. It was pretty boring. Then we came across a sign. “The chute and chair flight that was under construction is now open!” My friends and I went up the stairs. My brother was ahead of me. We came to the front then. We went up this little ramp, but there wasn’t any air power to shoot you out. My brother went and did it. When he landed on the chair, I heard a voice call to him. “Where’s your sister? I have to talk to her.” I called down, “I’m coming!” So I flew down and landed gracefully on the chair. I saw a cute boy looking at me in a surprised look. “That was so cool! I wouldn’t be able to do that!” As I was coming down, he caught me. “That was beautiful! You’re beautiful!” He kissed me.

 

(I sure was a romantic, even back 13 years ago!)

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Pain Block

Sorry for the lack of entries and posts lately!

This past Wednesday I had surgery to get my tonsils taken out, and the past few days have been filled with pain and fatigue. It feels as if I’ve been swallowing needles!

I hope you all had a nice Valentine’s Day!

As for me, I’m getting another ice pack and more cool water…

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