Posts Tagged ‘love’

I can never forget my first


He is etched on my heart and soul

From when I was innocent and untouched

Not yet soiled by society

Still naive and hopeful

Passionate and creative

Dreaming of a bright future

But then I was ripped from my fantasies

Stripped bare

Raped by medicine and doctors and diagnoses

I was a virgin penetrated by traumas

It was painful

I didn’t belong

I longed to escape from my cage

And so I burned my Self to the ground

Resurrecting and liberating myself

On the ninth day

My first love never came to me

He never held me

Nor did he touch me

All I had was his words

Brief glimpses of his voice that I have since forgotten

And photos

Eleven years have passed

I am now married and living abroad

He is engaged to another

Yet we are closer than before

Nothing will ever happen that could compromise our evolved lives

But I do hope that one day our bodies will someday stand in the presence of one another

And our souls will greet one another

With love, light, happiness, and peace

Because out of that tumultuous time

Came a Phoenix

She has been reborn on several occasions

Over the years

Yet there is still the innocent dreamer

Hidden beneath the ashes


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It was around the 1940’s, while World War II was in full-swing, hopefully to be over soon. In America, soldiers would go to bars to flirt and have some fun before they got sent off to their next assignment. The ladies enjoyed themselves as well, but if a guy got too fresh with them, they had pointed hairpins that they could use to set him straight.

At one such bar, a young man named John Thomas was socializing and having fun. He had his eye on an attractive lady with great legs. Claire Ewalt was sitting next to him, minding her own business as best she could in a noisy bar, until that clumsy guy accidentally spilled his beer on her fancy new green skirt. His attention tore away from the other woman, and he profusely apologized, offering to have her skirt cleaned. Claire declined his offer and said she would wash it herself. Unfortunately, in washing it by herself, she ended up ruining that skirt. But it did bring John Thomas into her life.

One thing led to another, and they ended up falling in love. He wasn’t Catholic, so Claire’s parents didn’t quite approve. Love won, and they ran away together to get married in 1950. John and Claire Thomas began their new life together filled with the utmost love and devotion. He did end up converting to Catholicism which blessed their marriage with faith and love.

Over the years, they moved several times as a military family, living in Illinois, London, England, elsewhere, and eventually settling in South Dakota. They had four children, one daughter and three sons: Cynthia, Lawrence, John, and Stephen. While they didn’t have a lot of money, they still maintained a life of simplicity, love, and a close family bond.

As their children grew older and settled down with their own families all over the United States, Claire and John ended up moving themselves to Texas where they finally put down roots to remain. Throughout my life, they lived in the same house in a great retirement community with a golf course in their backyard. I always loved visiting them and can even remember the welcoming smell in their house. My family and I lived in Saint Louis, Missouri, so it was a lengthy drive, but I always looked forward to visiting with them.

There’s even a family video recording of my grandparents meeting me for the first time after I was born when we flew up for a family reunion in South Dakota. My grandma had tears in her eyes as she welcomed me. As a child, my brother and I would play dogs with my grandma and grandpa. I can remember with fondness how compassionate and loving they were. It was always a great treat when Grandpa and Grandma Thomas came to visit. Throughout my adolescence they were always so supportive of me and were always so proud to hear about my accomplishments in school, band, choir, theatre, and beyond. They were even able to attend my Senior Vocal Performance Recital, which was the culmination of my Bachelors degree in Music at Webster University.

The love between my grandparents was always visible. They were always holding hands, placing their hand on the other’s leg, stealing kisses, and being affectionate with each other. I remember one time while we were driving somewhere with my Dad and Grandpa in the front while Grandma and I were in the backseat. Grandpa reached back to caress his wife’s leg, but he didn’t look behind him, which caused him to touch my leg instead. I cleared my throat and said, “Grandpa, I think you’re touching the wrong leg. That’s mine.” It was a funny moment.

My Grandpa always had a positive attitude. He was silly, laughed all the time, and created different voices and sounds to put everyone in a good mood. In all my time with him, I never saw him complain once. He was completely devoted to his wife. He was an admirable man with quiet strength. When my father played the guitar during their visits, my grandpa would always chime in singing.

I last visited my grandparents in 2012. It was after that time in August that my grandpa’s health began to steadily decline. They moved to a nursing home where he could receive more care. In December of 2013, he was hospitalized for serious issues, and we thought that we would lose him. But he surprised everyone and held on. Over time, he gradually lost the ability to speak coherently. My family would FaceTime Grandma, and she would include him in the video calls. One Christmas, we called them, and I sang “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” for him. He opened his eyes to listen. It hurt to see his health declining so much.

Last Sunday, on the day before my father would go into surgery for a major spinal fusion, we received word that my grandpa, his father, had passed on to Heaven. We were in the middle of Costco shopping for our dinner that night. We all just formed a big group hug and cried together in the middle of the store. And that night we grilled some great New York Strip Steaks with salad and red wine, toasting a great man.

His body was blessed, and he will be cremated. He will be buried in a major cemetery for veterans in the Dallas area. That internment ceremony will be next year when my father is able to fly to be with his family. I’m very glad that they will be waiting for him to be there along with everyone else. I wish I could be there too, but France is very far away, and I won’t be able to afford the plane ticket.

I haven’t had the chance to really and truly cry and grieve the passing of my Grandpa Thomas, but I wanted to take the time and write a brief account of the love story between my grandparents that lasted 65 years. Their story and enduring love is an inspiration for the entire family and everyone who knew them. I can only hope that my marriage will endure all those years into the future as well. I never knew my maternal grandfather because he died the year my parents married in 1984, but I had the privilege to know John M. Thomas throughout my 25 years of age. I will miss him dearly, but I know that he is in a much better place at peace and able to run, jump, laugh, and speak in Heaven. He is no longer suffering and in the arms of his Father.

We love you, Grandpa.

Easter 1991

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I’m losing track of time while I’m here in France. These past two weeks have gone by so quickly, and sometimes I forget what day of the week it is. It’s hard to believe that I’m living my dream, but here I am.

This past Tuesday we went to Paris to visit the U.S. Embassy so that I could get a document notarized that is one of the required papers for our upcoming marriage. This particular document doesn’t exist in America but is necessary in France, so naturally the only place to obtain it would be the capital. It’s been quite a process getting all of this paperwork together. I suppose having all of these hoops to jump through helps insure that you really do want to get married in the first place. I’ve never been married before, nor have I PACS’d (a French civil union that enables both people to have certain benefits in their co-habitation). So naturally I have to have a signed sworn statement in document form that I am single. I suppose it makes sense to have that, but going to Paris isn’t a simple and cheap little trip.

It was a 6-hour ride, and we were squished in the backseat with another person. I took naps when I could, but I also enjoyed looking at the countryside. French countryside at times looks similar to the Midwest countryside, but there are a lot more forests and trees. There were lots of farms and quaint little villages. Cows look different here in France. Also, it’s perfectly normal to be driving along and suddenly, out of nowhere, you see a castle in the mountains. I love it! We also drove under and through hills and mountains. It was really cool to just look out the window and see what passes by.

We were dropped off in the middle of the city with just our backpacks. The real adventure began in figuring out where we were and how to get to our hotel. We walked and walked and occasionally asked for directions until we got to the correct metro station. As a tip, you shouldn’t ride on the metro if you’re claustrophobic. It gets really cramped and crowded. After several stops, we reached the Gare du Nord and made our way to the surface.

Our hotel was in the 10th arrondissement, and it was actually in a good central location to get to places. Of course, it started raining as we were trying to find it. We finally reached Hotel Picardy, and sighed in relief. At the front desk, we checked in and got our key. The elevator was tiny, but three people could fit in it, provided you didn’t really have luggage. We reached our room at the end of the hall and opened the door to find a quaint little room. It looked nice enough for the price and location. Then we opened the door to the bathroom and found that there wasn’t a shower curtain, nor was the showerhead able to stay fixed on the wall. Oh, and if you wanted to take a bath, there wasn’t a plug. So! We would have to get creative later on.

My appointment at the U.S. Embassy wasn’t until the next day, so we had the evening to do a bit of exploring. Last year, mon ange was in Paris for the Japan Expo. He bought a lock, carved our names on it, and left it on a fence in Montmartre by the Sacré-Cœur Basilica. Our mission was to find the lock and bring it back home with us. We set out on our quest. We saw the basilica at the top of a hill. In order to get there, we had to climb about 250 steps. That was quite a workout! As we were walking along looking for the lock, we heard a young man singing an aria at the base of the steps of the basilica. He had a box where people could leave money, and there was quite a crowd gathered around him. He was good, especially to an untrained ear. C urged me to go up next to him after he had finished and start singing myself. I was too self-conscious and didn’t feel comfortable. Plus, I hadn’t had a chance to warm up. He said I was better then the young man, but I just didn’t want to do it. We moved along, but part of me wonders what would have happened if I had actually gotten up the courage to sing in front of those people… We reached the spot where he remembered putting the lock, only to find that the fencing where he had attached it was no longer there. It was gone! He was disappointed, but I assured him that it wasn’t the end of the world. We can always get a new lock and put it somewhere here in Thonon.

We headed back to our hotel, and when we finally reached our room I was ready to attempt to take a bath. Mon ange made a makeshift plug for the bathtub which actually worked. He’s creative and handy like that. Oh, that was an extremely soothing bath! We had to get up somewhat early the next morning, so we headed to bed.

The next morning, we packed up and checked out of the hotel, making our way to The Avenue des Champs-Élysées, which is basically the fanciest street in Paris. The American Embassy is also in the 8th arrondissement, so we figured that we could walk around and look at the shops while we waited for my appointment at 2pm. Picture all the fancy brand names that come to mind, and they were all there along that avenue. They’re huge stores with fancy displays that do their best to tempt you to come inside and buy something. They had Tiffany and Co., Yves Saint-Laurent, Abercrombie and Fitch, the Disney store, and so many more. We went into Zara and each bought a shirt as a memory of Paris that we can practically use. We also got some magnets, one for our fridge, and some others for our parents.

After several hours, it was time to make our way to the U.S. Embassy for my appointment. Just outside, there were guards stationed to make sure that everyone wanting to go to the embassy had good intentions (aka no terrorists). There was quite a line already, and I was early. I told a security officer that I had an appointment, and showed my passport. He presented it to someone and said that I could go straight on through. I didn’t even have to stand and wait in line. I suppose being an American has its perks sometimes. I left my phone and Fitbit bracelet with security and went into the building with my paper I needed notarized. When I got inside, I took a number and waited. I was 914. After they called me, I gave them the document and was told to go to the window to make the payment. It cost me $50 for them to officially sign and notarize a piece of paper. I personally thought that’s a ridiculous amount of money, but what else could I have done? Nothing, really. I waited for my name to be called yet again. This time, I raised my right hand and swore that everything on that document was true. I signed it, and then I was done. All that waiting and money spent for a trip to Paris just to sign a piece of paper saying that I’m single and have never been married. But hey, at least it’s over and done with! There aren’t much more things I have to do before I can get married. It’s exciting! Now that we achieved our main goal, all that was left was to waste a little more time before meeting our ride to begin our journey back home. We walked to the Eiffel Tower, and I took many pictures along the way.

Paris really is a fascinating city. You hear so many different languages of all the different nationalities visiting France’s capital. It’s easy to get lost with all of the complicated web of roads. People can be rude, but it’s normal. It’s a crowded place full of people trying to get somewhere. They’ll walk across the street without caring that traffic could be approaching. They’ll push their way through the crowds. And they don’t look very happy either. Then again, people that smile a lot are seen as potentially having a screw loose. There is quite a lot of trash everywhere, and parts of the city don’t smell pleasant. But despite all of that, it’s so full of history and life. C doesn’t like Paris, but I do. It’s a complicated place, and if you want to visit, make sure not to expect a fairy-tale that so many films paint in your mind. It’s not somewhere you can just spend two days like we did. Maybe a week at least to hit the main tourist attractions and also discover secret treasures. I definitely would recommend a trip to the City of Light and Love.

Until next time!


At The Avenue des Champs-Élysées

At The Avenue des Champs-Élysées

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I am happy to announce that I arrived safely in France two days ago!

It was a long and exhausting trip, that’s for sure. I wasn’t able to fit everything that I wanted to bring in my two suitcases, blue carry-on, and backpack (but boy, were they heavy!). Fortunately, I will be able to bring more things over here when I go back to Missouri in three months as I finish up my visa paperwork.

I ate some Chinese food in the Washington DC airport during my three-hour layover and was able to call my mom and dad one last time before heading overseas. Then it was time to board my flight for Copenhagen, Denmark. I sat by a nice older woman who was one her way to Sweden in the very last row of the plane. During the 8-hour flight, I amused myself with a book, my iPod, and occasional attempts to get some sleep. I wasn’t able to fully sleep, so I’ll call them sporadic naps. We took a slight detour to avoid storms, so by the time my flight landed, I had to run through customs, get my passport stamped, and find the gate for the final flight to Geneva. Thankfully, I made it just in time, and I settled down exhausted next to a friendly man who worked on his laptop during the flight. I was tired but too excited to sleep during the flight. It’s really cool too look out the window at the cities and land below. They’re arranged like little colorful pieces of patchwork! After about two hours, Lake Geneva came into view, and my heart jumped to my chest. The last time I landed in Geneva, it was a dark and cold November early morning, a stark contrast to the late warm morning in June.

It’s a different experience, traveling and flying alone. I’ve done it before when I went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras in 2014 and then the first time I came to France last year. You’re by yourself with only strangers to talk with, if you decide to engage in conversation at all. There was a time when I would feel nervous being alone, but I’ve gotten a lot braver and stronger on my own. My parents were nervous that something could happen to me, after all, kidnapping does happen. But no one messed with me. I could whack them with my heavy bags anyway.

After 17 long hours, I arrived at the baggage claim around 10:15am local time. I waited and waited for my bags. They were nowhere to be found. I went to the luggage claim office where the woman working there was able to track the location of my suitcases. Apparently, they didn’t make the flight and were still in Copenhagen. They would be sent on the next flight to Geneva, which would arrive at 2:50pm… So, that means we would have to wait nearly 5 hours.

I walked through the doors, searching for the face that I hadn’t seen for 7 months. I had the biggest smile on my face when our eyes met. Our lips joined not long after, and oh, it was so glorious to be once again in his arms, this time to stay! We spent the next several hours of waiting for my bags by wandering around the airport inside and outside. The night before, he had made delicious sandwiches for us to eat for lunch. I was ecstatic, awake, and dead tired, all at once. At one point, I asked for him to get my sandwich from his backpack so I could eat some more. He got off the seat, and when he came back around to face me, he was on one knee with a ring box in his hands. I couldn’t believe it! We have been engaged for the past 6 months, but he didn’t have a ring when he first asked me. The ring is actually both my engagement ring and wedding band all in one. It’s more practical that way. I thought we were going to wait to present each other with our rings on our actual wedding day. He really had me fooled! We will re-exchange them when we get married. I brought out his ring that I had picked out and gotten for him, and it was amazing how they were similar in design! The flight from Geneva arrived a little early, so we were finally able to retrieve my bags and hop on a bus to take another bus that would take us across the border to Thonon-les-Bains, France.

It’s absolutely beautiful here in the Alps region! Sun, mountains, a big lake, and happiness! Missouri pales in comparison! The Midwest is so flat and boring. I’ve been taking so many pictures! I also love how everything is within walking distance. I understand how Europeans can eat such rich foods and be in such great shape. They don’t have to use a car to get to and from stores and their homes. I’ve managed to walk several miles (must learn the metric system and Celsius) already during the past few days! I’ve been trying to get healthy, and moving to France will certainly help me achieve my goal!

Yesterday, we explored the outdoor market that’s held every Monday and Thursday. So many tents of clothes, fresh food, books, jewelry, and trinkets! I visited a delightful little sausage stand and got to sample several types. The people are so friendly here! I walked away with a bag of a lot of different delicious sausages! I also couldn’t resist getting a new book too! I miss all my books! I couldn’t fit very many in my backpack, and I have well over two-hundred waiting for me back home! It’ll be fun transporting the ones that I can’t live without.

Getting accustomed to the time difference is a little bit of a challenge too. I wake up sporadically in the middle of the night and have to take occasional naps during the day. Today I didn’t feel very well in the morning either. Tap water in France isn’t filtered like it is in the United States, so I had a bit of a reaction to it. But the best way to build up a tolerance to the water is to keep drinking it. I’m slowly but suredly getting used to it. It’s also strange thinking about the 7-hour time difference. For instance, it’s 10pm here, but 3pm back in America. My mom doesn’t really get home from work until midnight where I live. That will make skyping a challenge, but I’m a night owl. We’ll manage. I was able to FaceTime with my dad this morning, which was nice.

It’s surreal and a bit sad that I’m so far away from my family and friends, but I do feel genuinely at home here. There are many new friends to make and new adventures that await.

Until next time!


Happily Together at Long Last

Happily Together at Long Last

Yes, I get to see this gorgeous view every day!

Yes, I get to see this gorgeous view every day!

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Hello all!

Have you missed me?

I am painfully aware that it has been a long time since last I wrote anything on my blog. 14 months, to be precise. And for that I am ashamed…

But! I have good news! I plan to be dusting off these pages (figuratively, of course) and returning to my writing habits! There will be one slight difference to my writing:


Yes, you read that correctly! I, an American young woman, will be moving to Thonon-les-Bains, France to live with my French future husband. After all these years of failed relationships and dating, I have finally found my other half and best friend! We’ve been together for a year and a half now, and after an excruciating 7 months apart, we will finally be together again!

My flight leaves tomorrow! I’m freaking out!

At the moment, I’m cleaning, doing laundry, packing, and deciding what I will be taking with me for my three-month stay. I just wanted to touch base with you and let you know that I’m still alive.

To those of you that are still around and excited to see something from me finally resurface on the blogosphere, thank you very much for being patient! I plan on posting frequently about my adventures in France and Europe, recounting the enormous life change about to take place.

Stay tuned for my new posts! The next one I write will be in France!



Mon ange et moi

Mon ange et moi

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Happy Birthday to my beautiful mother!


Ever since childhood her strength has been tested

There must be more to life in the one she’s destined

Yet she gets up each morning, her soul rested

Embracing a new day


The world may not see her angel wings

But I see them when she smiles at the sky as her spirit sings


She challenges life’s struggles with sheer determination

And plans to conquer mountains piece by piece in deliberation

I look up to her with such proud admiration

As she climbs higher, little by little every day


The world may not see her angel wings

But I see them when she smiles at the sky as her spirit sings


Her faith and beliefs do not go unnoticed

Our trials can be conquered as she shows us

How to bloom despite adversity like a beautiful lotus

Each step of the way


The world may not see her angel wings

But I see them when she smiles at the sky as her spirit sings



❤ Me

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Mon Cher Ange

Je bénis le jour
Quand nous nous sommes rencontrés
Avec tout de l’espoir de mon cœur

J’ai prié de trouver quelqu’un
Comme toi
Et la nuit en décembre
A changé ma vie
Pour toujours

Je suis trop impatiente
Je veux voler sur mes ailes d’ange
D’être avec toi
Et bientôt je le ferai

Je te choisis
Je veux être avec toi
Je t’embrasse dans mes rêves
J’entends ta voix avec le bonheur
Je te donne mon cœur
Je t’attends
Je t’aime mon cher ange


❤ Moi

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