Posts Tagged ‘heartbreak’

I can never forget my first


He is etched on my heart and soul

From when I was innocent and untouched

Not yet soiled by society

Still naive and hopeful

Passionate and creative

Dreaming of a bright future

But then I was ripped from my fantasies

Stripped bare

Raped by medicine and doctors and diagnoses

I was a virgin penetrated by traumas

It was painful

I didn’t belong

I longed to escape from my cage

And so I burned my Self to the ground

Resurrecting and liberating myself

On the ninth day

My first love never came to me

He never held me

Nor did he touch me

All I had was his words

Brief glimpses of his voice that I have since forgotten

And photos

Eleven years have passed

I am now married and living abroad

He is engaged to another

Yet we are closer than before

Nothing will ever happen that could compromise our evolved lives

But I do hope that one day our bodies will someday stand in the presence of one another

And our souls will greet one another

With love, light, happiness, and peace

Because out of that tumultuous time

Came a Phoenix

She has been reborn on several occasions

Over the years

Yet there is still the innocent dreamer

Hidden beneath the ashes


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Dark Waters

Swirling dark waters undulate before me

My bare feet sink into the cool, wet grass

Lightly dusted with dew and memories


My toes dig into the blades with slight reluctance

As if wanting to linger on the moments

But my resolve pushes me forward


I reach the edge of the river

Looking into its blackness I see ripples of our past

Fading in and out as scenes and seasons


Slowly I submerge myself in the depths

Sinking, submitting

And as I drink in the waters willingly

You begin to fade away

Until I am falling into blackness

My mind washed away with the waves

Disappearing into…





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I love you

But I don’t know how much longer I can live with this


Every day vacillates between two polarizations

One day I want to keep you close

The next I want to let you go

One day I want to kiss you

The next I want to push you away

One day I want to laugh happily

The next I want to burst into tears

One day I want to be friends with her

The next I want to scream at you both


This whole situation is fucked up and unfair

I don’t deserve this

My heart doesn’t deserve this

My spirit doesn’t deserve this

I deserve a love better than this


I want a love that’s timeless and infinite

Encompassing me in a nurturing embrace

Nourishing life between us

I want forever

Not simply a season


I love you

But I don’t know how much longer I can live with this





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The tears form slowly in steady droplets

Chilling as they make their way down

Her soft milky cheeks

Forming icicles

Shattering upon impact

With the earth


Winter approaches more quickly

On the winds of Autumn

The leaves whispering of impending


The crisp air biting at her exposed soul


Why can’t she take control

And decide for herself

When the seasons change

Instead of foundering at his

Deceptive mercy?


How is it truly love

When only one

Gets the best of both seasons

And the other is left standing

Alone at the crossroads?


She knows what must be done

And it will take every fiber of her being

When the time is right

She will speak for herself





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I want time to stop

Because with each passing day

Your leaving looms near





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I see the way you write to him and his replies.

Nothing will ever be quite the same between him and me,

Forever changed.

It breaks my heart to know that our paths are

Diverging in different directions.

Earnestly he tells me that he

Loves me and wants to enjoy what time together we have that remains.

I try to put how he feels about you from my mind.

Taking a deep breath, I continue to love him.

You may be his future, but respect that I am his present.





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A siren reclines on on a wave-battered rock
In the middle of the ocean

Trailing her fingertips through the restless waters
Torrid like her heart
Threatening an oncoming storm

She gazes at her reflection
Large, luminous eyes
Full, shapely lips
Flowing dark hair
What every man would desire

Her voice
A sweet melodic symphony
That would steal the heart of any who listen
Capturing their souls
Hopeless to escape

All those men
All those hearts
All those disappointments
Have left her heart a hardened fortress
Nigh impossible to penetrate

A siren reclines on on a wave-battered rock
In the middle of the ocean


❤ Me

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