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Archive for the ‘Poetry’ Category

I can never forget my first

Love

He is etched on my heart and soul

From when I was innocent and untouched

Not yet soiled by society

Still naive and hopeful

Passionate and creative

Dreaming of a bright future

But then I was ripped from my fantasies

Stripped bare

Raped by medicine and doctors and diagnoses

I was a virgin penetrated by traumas

It was painful

I didn’t belong

I longed to escape from my cage

And so I burned my Self to the ground

Resurrecting and liberating myself

On the ninth day

My first love never came to me

He never held me

Nor did he touch me

All I had was his words

Brief glimpses of his voice that I have since forgotten

And photos

Eleven years have passed

I am now married and living abroad

He is engaged to another

Yet we are closer than before

Nothing will ever happen that could compromise our evolved lives

But I do hope that one day our bodies will someday stand in the presence of one another

And our souls will greet one another

With love, light, happiness, and peace

Because out of that tumultuous time

Came a Phoenix

She has been reborn on several occasions

Over the years

Yet there is still the innocent dreamer

Hidden beneath the ashes

Waiting

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I’m turning over a new leaf

Finishing this chapter

Closing it down

It’s time

I’ve spent too much time

Looking back

Reading past entries

Living in the pain

Believing it was how I was supposed

To be

Dwelling on the trauma

Won’t make it

Go away

I have no choice

Either I shed my old

Outgrown skin

Or I move forward while

Not peeking

Over my shoulder

Change is uncomfortable

I have to bare my soul

And skin

Risking new wounds

But burning this shell

Will enable me to

Emerge from the ashes

Reborn

Death is the road to awe

I can flourish

I just need to

Let

Go

-Me 19072018

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I feel like I’ve been living in a dreamlike state for the past few years

As if I’ve been asleep and under an illusion

Hypnotized by the lure of starting somewhere completely new 

Building a new life with new people and new adventures

But cracks are starting to form along the surfaces 

Exposing the reality beneath

I’m beginning to realize that not everything is as I thought

Or hoped or dreamed they would be

Sometimes I wake up for brief periods of time

Tears streaming down my face

Heart bruised and battered

I scream and cry and try to see life as it really is

But I am guarded by a beast that knows neither compassion nor empathy

This beast is my keeper 

Feeding me with little poisoned truffles of doubt and blame

Frightening me into submission

Part of me wants to escape and be free

The other part wants to see if I can conquer and tame the beast

Changing the fear into a much stronger love

I know there is potential

But I fear that it is doomed to remain under the enchantement

Only time will tell

If I’m able to fully wake and break 

Free from this glass prison 

Of doubt, fear, blame, jealousy

I do know that I cannot trust anyone around me

They are illusions of sincerity

At any moment they could turn

Thus Sleeping Beauty blinks awake for a brief moment

Takes a deep breath

And closes her eyes once more

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I feel haunted by Death

She entered into my life

When I was fourteen years old

And hasn’t ever left

I feel haunted by Death

She took my cousin when he was ten

She took my uncle and husband to my godmother

Who was also the father of my cousin

She took my grandmother

She took my husband’s father

She took my husband’s godmother

She has taken so many lives

Close to me and of people that I never met

I feel haunted by Death

She plants seeds of thought

That turn into ideas and feelings

Images that involve me and her

The thought that she may take me someday too

Sometimes I imagine how she would take my hand

And lure me into her home in the underworld

I feel haunted by Death

These ideas aren’t new

They’ve been around for years

I’ve never actually attempted

The temptations have stayed in my mind

Sometimes I tell others

And then they help me through it

I feel haunted by Death

I know that I have a lot to live for

I know that I am loved

I just got married

My new life is across the Atlantic in France

Don’t take this as a sign that I need professional help

I’m just sharing my feelings

I feel haunted by Death

But she won’t take me until I’m old and ready

death and the maiden

-Jenna

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You might think that you know me

But you don’t

You formulate your biased opinion

Based on your own life experiences

You judge me

Because it’s impossible not to

Decide whether or not you like someone

Free from your own personal viewpoint

You might think that you know me

But you don’t

I try to be kind with my words

I am a compassionate human being

I enjoy discussion

I believe in diversity

I like to be respectful

I don’t mind if you have a different opinion or viewpoint

But when you become personally disrespectful

I have a problem with that

You might think that you know me

But you don’t

Once my trust in you is broken

We’re done

It’s difficult enough to build trust in the first place

So if you betray me

You’ve lost me forever

That’s not my fault

You should have thought about how I might feel

Before you chose to do it

You might think that you know me

But you don’t

I don’t have time to waste on you

Especially when you don’t care about my feelings

Or myself as a person

So I’m just going to move on

You might think that you know me

But you don’t

Guess what?

You just inspired my newest poem

After more than a year of writer’s block

Be proud of yourself

Just remember

You might think that you know me

But you don’t

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