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Archive for December 1st, 2011

Journey (Resurfaced)

I wrote this poem January 16, 2010, and I wanted to re-circulate it. I’m thinking about submitting it along with some of my other poems to my university’s literary magazine to see if they will publish it. 

I could say so much about it… In all honesty, this is my favourite poem I have ever written and the closest to my heart. Well, it literally is about my heart. One night I suddenly had the inspiration to write a poem in which I took Dante’s Inferno and the levels of Hell and re-wrote it so instead they would represent the levels of my heart. It’s very complicated to explain. And to this day, I can think about all of my relationships with everyone I encounter and see where they are in my heart’s many layers of trust. 

Without further ado, here’s Journey:

There is an Inferno,

Which surrounds my heart,

Guarding its beating soul

With a treacherous path

That many may enter.

But only one will reach the center.

Dare you attempt the journey?

You must pass through eight levels.

Be careful,

Pay close attention,

For you may encounter

Traps and snares.

However,

The treasure at my heart

Is more precious than

Gold or jewels,

Fame or fortune.

It is priceless.

I wish you luck.

First, there is Limbo.

You gain access easily,

As everyone can.

There is chaos and confusion

Everywhere you turn.

If you understand

The words written above the gate,

You may proceed

To Light.

Here is an image

Of stunning beauty and power,

A glimpse of the treasure at my heart.

You may reach this place

And freeze with desire.

But if you do,

There you shall remain.

For lust will not open the next gate.

If you can see beyond the outer view,

You will approach

A Feast.

You see a table laid

With delicious treats and delights,

All morsels of what my heart gives,

Sharing with others.

Sit down at the table.

Sample what is offered

And discover what will be given to you

If you succeed.

But if you become consumed,

Gluttonous and thriving on what is there,

Using it for your personal gain,

You will not pass onward

To the lush garden.

Here there are little treasures,

Little hopes and dreams

Of mine

That are precious,

Revealing more of my heart.

There are also little nooks

Where my fears and shadows dwell.

Venture within.

But do not seek to discover them

And attempt to use them against me,

Or the next way will be barred.

At the bank of a flowing river,

A small boat awaits you.

Give the boatman a coin.

He will grant you passage

To flow deeper

Through the path to my heart.

On this journey,

You will see memories of mine

Float to the bubbling surface.

Many will make you cringe,

Please bear them.

See them, try to understand them.

Do not throw yourself into the waters in despair,

Never reaching

The City of Dis,

Where there you will see tombstones.

It is a place that once was

And now is gone.

Tombs of those I loved

And lost, forever

Lingering in the place of endings.

There are spirits,

Figures, angels and demons

Of my past

That will speak to you

If you will listen.

Some will tell lies of me

Others my truths.

Whom you believe will determine whether you

Find your way

To an Island surrounded by the river Phlegethon.

It is a battlefield of soldiers

With war exploding around you,

Unforgiving and relentless.

You may wonder what they are fighting for.

Both sides fight for truth.

Their truths are identical,

Yet still they fight.

Observe this battle.

Learn their beliefs.

My heart feels what you decide,

And if she deems your truth worthy,

You may continue

To the Malebolge.

It is large pit,

Shaped like an ampitheatre.

If you look down inside,

You hear voices crying out.

Crying, screaming,

Shouting to be heard.

Their regrets for what they had done

Fill your ears.

They wish to escape the pain

That they brought upon themselves.

Do not listen,

Do not help them,

For they are not real.

They want to drag you down with them

And keep you with them for eternity.

I beg you listen to yourself.

Listen to your heart.

Feel it beat, feel it pulse.

Block all sights and sounds.

Close your eyes

And walk forward.

Let it guide you on the final path

To warmth.

A heavy silence,

A deep sense of calm.

No more screams, no more pain,

No more worries.

Just stillness.

You open your eyes and see blackness.

You feel lost.

You do not know what will come next.

Then you see a bright flash.

You hear something.

You feel something soft brush against your face.

Another flash.

And lo, out of the black,

Something approaches.

Slowly, languidly,

Softly humming a melody,

Pure and beautiful.

She is the most beautiful woman

You have ever laid eyes upon,

Clothed in a shimmer of red.

As she smiles, everything glows

And is filled with light,

All the way through you to your own beating heart.

She holds out her hand,

Hoping you will grasp it

And let her lead you.

She welcomes you

To the paradise that is

My heart.

~*~

To this day, no one has ever reached the center of my heart. The person who reaches it will be my future husband. It’s sad because the deeper one goes, the more vulnerable my heart becomes. My ex reached the pit, at the very end. And he fell in, dragged in by his own inner demons. I’ve laid out exactly how to win my heart. It’s just a matter of someone having the strength of will and determination to succeed.

❤ Me

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The End is Nigh (Part One)

It’s that time of year again. I have only 1.5 weeks left of classes before final exams, and while I’m super excited and relieved for the end of this semester, it puts into frightening relief that I have so little time left to finish everything.

That’s a good reason why I haven’t posted or written anything lately; both my life and schedule are extremely hectic. In fact, I need to be running my lines and music right now. But I felt the urge to post a little update as to what I’m doing until December 16th, in case you were curious as to what I’ve disappeared to.

  • I’m performing in a Musical Revue called Love, Me [Crazy] at my university this weekend! Tonight is our first dress rehearsal, and I’m a little anxious, but I’m confident that it’ll go well. It’s written and directed by students, featuring music from various Broadway musicals. Here’s the premise: “Love, Me [Crazy] revolves around the love stories of three groups of people – a love triangle, a gay couple, and a straight couple and their lesbian best friend. Their lives are dictated by the Muses, who can only watch the lovers’ lives play out around them.” I am Calliope, the muse of Epic Song and the diva in charge! My two songs that I’m involved in are “What Was a Woman to Do” from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and “You Could Drive a Person Crazy” from Company! I’m the featured soloist on both! It’s so awesome having the spotlight, since I haven’t gotten the opportunity very much in the other ensembles I’ve been involved with for 3.5 years (but that’s a rant for another time that I’d rather not get into at the moment). My character is the wizened diva who presides over everything, and sometimes it’s called for me to be a bitch (particularly in the scene where we muses represent a clique similar to “The Plastics” from Mean Girls). I’m the Regina George of the group. Although I do not condone bitchy behaviour, I must admit it is liberating playing someone so confident in who she is. My outfits flatter my figure in every way, and I’m throwing my modesty out the window in a sense by showing quite a bit of cleavage! But you know what, I’ve been blessed with curves and quite the bosom, so I’m not going to be ashamed of celebrating my beautiful body in all its hourglass glory! I’ve been told that I’m one of the sexiest people my guy friend knows. And my boyfriend says that I’m the most gorgeous women he’s known and been with! Those are quite the compliments! I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this attention, but I’m getting more comfortable being my amazing self. Yay!
  • My choir concert is the Sunday after this one, December 11th. A whole bunch of ensembles are coming together to perform including Chamber Orchestra, Concert Choir, Chamber Singers (the choir I’m in), and more. We’re singing a Poulenc piece, “O Magnum Mysterium,” and joining with other ensembles to perform Argento’s Gloria from an opera. All three are challenging pieces. I feel well prepared for it and looking forward to performing. Yet at the same time, I can’t wait for it to be over. It’s complicated once more why I’m not enjoying it, but I keep reminding myself that I’m there for my love of music, not the social “joy” it brings me.  Mais c’est la vie.

(Many hours later…)

Wow, I thought I’d be able to sit down and write more, but I left for dress rehearsal and didn’t come back until 1:15am today, this morning…

I’ll continue this at another time.

Good night!

❤ Me

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