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Archive for November 2nd, 2011

Thank You

I’m in a mad dash to complete a writing assignment in under 45 minutes, but I wanted to make a little post now.

I just want to take the time out of my busy blogging to thank you. Thank you to everyone who clicks on my page and reads what I write. I may not hear from everyone who reads my work, but I do want to acknowledge you and your presence for which I am very grateful.

Over the past month or so, the page views on here have skyrocketed. I did not expect the outpouring and deluge of positive feedback, comments, and support from you at all. When I started this blog, it was more of an online journal. I didn’t get many views on Blogspot where I originally began in 2010. But now, I’m rendered speechless at how each and every one of you that leaves a comment is sending me positive thoughts.

I’m a struggling student, writer, and musician. Not all of my days are happy, especially when I went through the end of my longest relationship with a man. I took a major risk and leap of faith by publishing the poems I had initially intended only for his eyes. But that didn’t stop me from sharing them with you. I’m so glad that I did.

Thank you very much for sharing with me how my words and poetry inspire, motivate, and help you. Because that’s what I’d love for my work to do. I’d love for my words to touch each and every one of you in a positive way, helping to brighten your day or night.

 

Unfortunately, it’s now time for me to make a mad dash and type furiously about Robert Schumann and Franz Schubert before my schedule of death (1pm-7:30pm classes straight through) begins. I did have a yummy lunch of a leftover Subway sandwich, though. And I think I’ll have a piece of Halloween chocolate.

Have a wonderful day and night!

Once again, thank you very much for being wonderful!

 

❤ Jenna

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I should be working on reading and homework for my classes tomorrow, but I’d rather write for the moment. It’s been ages since I’ve actually sat down to write rather than post poetry I’ve written.

Florence + The Machine’s new album has been playing on repeat all day for me. I love it and am definitely glad that I bought it! She has such wonderful and innovative style accompanied with an ethereal and beautiful voice!

As of late, I’ve been re-thinking my priorities. The Senioritis bug is really biting me. Silly excuse, I know. But my motivation to read and do homework for my classes is steadily declining. I have to force myself almost against my overworked brain’s will. I read or heard somewhere (can’t remember where exactly) that if your subconscious does not want to accomplish something, you never will do it. I do believe that now. Now, I understand the importance of my thesis and practicing and preparing my recital, etc. Those will be completed, of course. But little tedious math problems and reading from a psychology textbook just frustrate me. They help me do well on tests, of course. However, if I had to choose between writing an analytical essay for my Senior Thesis or reading 50 pages of a Psychology textbook, I would choose the work for my senior-level course. Every day I have to pick and choose what I will work on and what I will neglect. I’ve realized that I can no longer accomplish everything each day that is due the next day. I try and focus on what is due the next day, thus putting off what’s due in a few. But there is never a day where my homework load lightens, so it’s an endless cycle of not accomplishing everything. If I sat down and focused completely on classwork and rehearsing and practicing, I would lose my sanity. My brain has been starting to fry and shut off when I work too hard without taking time to relax.

What I’m focusing on right now is the difficult battle of relinquishing the self-guilt I’ve imposed on myself all these years. I’m learning to let go of what happens beyond my control. And I’m in the process of internalizing that I cannot do everything, as much as I would like to. I have a super-consciousness that, if given the capability, would do everything I set my heart and mind to do. But I reside in a mortal body, so there are limits. My mind needs to internalize that my body can only do so much without sufficient sleep, nutrition, and periods of recovery.

It’s something that will take time.

I’m proud of all of the progress that I have made in a little over a month, though. Looking back at my older self back on September 11th this year, I was a mess of emotions and volatile sickness. Now, I feel a more mature sense of calm about myself. I’m getting at better at not letting the drama and shit of the world have as much of an internal impact on me as before. I’ve lost weight and slimmed as well as trimmed some of my past worries and insecurities about how others may react to what I say and do. I haven’t grown cold or indifferent, mind you. Instead, I’m learning to take words and actions with a grain of salt. I could let negative comments or circumstances get to me and make me feel badly, or I could choose to accept that people feel and behave that way and continue living my life.

I’m not heartless or oblivious. In fact, I have a tendency to take things too much to heart and personally. I have a bit of a self-martyring complex, which has been my downfall lately. I tend to give up my happiness for the “greater good.” But now, I’ve realized that my health is not worth working myself to death pleasing everyone else but myself.

I’ve taken a stand to help myself first, for once.

And I don’t feel the least bit guilty about that.

My health and sanity is important. Without it, I can’t be the amazing and beautiful person that I am. I can’t help other people be happy when I myself am not happy. I cannot serve others if I am in a condition where I cannot even support myself.

I’m working on my inner victory now, before I branch out for the outer.

Now it’s time for me to relax before bed. My homework can be worked on tomorrow when I wake up.

Goodnight to you.

❤ Me

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