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Archive for November, 2011

Feeling Before Bed

Just be straightforward with me please because

Every moment such

As this causes me to be one step closer to

Losing my mind with worry

Over what to think or believe. What’s become of

Us that has changed? I have been nothing other than my

Self, whereas you,

You’re different. And it’s causing a rift.

-Me

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Fear’s Hunt

I’ve been sick with the flu and a fever since Monday, hence my silence on here. And now Thanksgiving weekend is upon us. I’ll be out of town visiting relatives and friends out of state Thursday through Sunday. It will be a nice change of scenery but unfortunately not from the duties and obligations of classes. The six-hour drive will allow for time to make a decent dent in all of my books to read and writings, though.

Anyways, I have a new poem for you. Enjoy.

And Happy Thanksgiving! I’m grateful for each and every one of you readers.

~*~

A pack of beasts were on the hunt

Matted gray fur

Spittle flying from their mouths

Teeth bared

Ready to rip out the heart

Of the fleeing maiden

 

Her breath failing

Heart bursting

Legs heavy weights

Pained with the exhaustion

From running

As her very life depended upon her speed

Determination

And strength of will

To survive

 

She was running for what seemed like ages

When her legs suddenly gave out

And she fell to the mossy

Damp ground

Gasping for air

And sobbing for mercy

 

The pack surrounded her on all sides

And gazed at her with glowing yellow eyes

That seemed to stare into her very soul

Snapping at the air

Ready to tear into her soft flesh

And devour her entirely

Even her bones

 

Fear filled the maiden

Hopelessness

Without seeing a way out

These wolves cared nothing of her feelings

Could not understand her cries for mercy

Their hunger consumed every sense

 

But then a white light so bright

That it temporarily blinded every eye

Came into the copse of trees

The beasts whined and retreated

For it was the Archangel himself

Appearing in the clearing

Baring his shining sword

Glowing with holy light

 

He had no need to slaughter and shed blood

For the creatures themselves fled

With tails between their legs

 

The maiden gazed at this immortal being

In wonder and astonishment

An angel came from Heaven

And chose to save her life

With sympathy

Compassion

And love

 

He reached out a hand

And pulled her to her feet

Allowing his divine protection

To seep into her very being

Filling her with strength

Beyond this world

To continue to live and love

With all of her might

❤ Me

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Toxic

Too bad you didn’t reach

Out and communicate enough before we made our

eXits from each other’s lives.

I really thought better of you and your so-called

Care for me. Never mind.

 

You can say whatever you like to your friends;

I’m not the toxic one.

 

(I just had to get this out. Going to bed stressed out and pissed off is not something I like doing. My weekend was going very well until I read something my ex wrote in reference to me. So now it’s time for me to find things that will make me happy before I go to bed.

Well, I have plenty of homework to do, books to read, music to listen to, and so much more that I’ll have plenty to get him off of my mind. Plus, I can always Skype B. He has a magical way of making me go to bed with a smile that shines all the way from my mouth, to my heart, to my entire self.

I don’t need to waste any more of my mind on J.)

Have a good night,

-Me

 

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Ghost

You have disappeared from my life

Without a last word

Without a parting glance

You simply turned away

Never looking back

 

And you left me here

Without a reason

Without an answer

To the endless circle of questions

My mind kept asking

 

I am no stranger to endings

My first love across the sea

One day removed me from his life

And since then my ocean of memories

Has ebbed and flowed with the tide of time

Bringing recovery with the fresh new waters

 

But you touched a different part of my heart

Not simply fantasy but reality

Our bodies touched and merged as one

And I believed our souls did as well

For not simply a few months

But three years

 

My heart has been bruised

Torn

Stabbed

And beaten

However

What you did was worse

 

You took the piece of my heart

That I gave you

And ripped it out

Leaving a hole that never can be filled

A hollow space void of thought or emotion

That I can no longer feel or touch

 

Now you are nothing but a ghost to me

Your clothes you left behind will be given away

For I cannot bring myself to attempt to open

A channel for us to possibly reunite

 

As much as closure would soothe my mind

I do not think I can bring myself to risk

My health and my heart ever again

When it comes to you

 

Your thoughts

Your words

Your hands

Can no longer touch me

I cannot feel you near me

Anymore

 

And so I release my memories of

Us

Into the crisp cool winds

Heralding change and the new

Letting you go

Wherever life takes you

 

I try not to bear this void

Any ill will

Instead focusing on now

And the love I have from another

Someone wonderful

Along with that of my friends

 

But it is difficult

Having emptiness and

Nothingness

Surround me

 

Leave me to be me

In all that I can and will be

And free

 

Please hear this plea

At least

 

-Me

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Freedom

The crisp cool air blows through my hair

Tickling my face with the tendrils

Flying free

As I rush to classes

 

It kisses my cheeks and whispers in my ears

Congratulating me on this new feeling

Of liberation

From the weight of the world

 

No longer do I need to worry about Wednesday

The burden has been lifted

And my time has been released from its bondage

Three hours earlier now

 

This feels wonderful

And I do not feel the least shred

Of guilt

For choosing my health over homework

 

❤ Me

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Happy Thoughts

In honour of Thanksgiving coming next week and me starting off my week of classes in a really positive mood, I thought I would devote this entry to all things in my life that I’m grateful for and feeling happy about.

  • I got an A on both my Psychology and College Algebra exams last Friday! I’m really proud of all the hard work and studying I put into preparing for them. This entire semester I had been struggling to get good scores in those classes and hadn’t gotten above a C in either. But now I bypassed getting B’s and got A’s! I’m so happy about it and definitely plan on continuing to work diligently to keep those scores in the A range. These are my last gen-ed courses to take, and I won’t let them bring down my cumulative GPA when I’m almost finished!
  • I’m slimming down and feeling much healthier than back in September! I can tell in the way my clothes fit and my body is looking and behaving that I am becoming more in tune with my body. In the recent past, I have been struggling with my mind, body, and spirit functioning at prime condition and cohesively with one another. Ever since I’ve come back from my Fall Break and have taken the time to care about my health, I’ve noticed a positive difference. And I’m not stopping there! I’m continuing on amping up my activity and positive thoughts, and I know that with happy thoughts come happy results!
  • I’m taking studying, practicing, projects, and rehearsing in little chunks so as to alleviate my stress. It’s actually working. If I get bored or my brain starts to fry on one subject, I switch tasks and move on to something else. I think that’s the best way for me to go about my tasks from now on. Cramming for hours and intense focus on one thing at a time no longer work for me. And that’s okay.
  • My friends, family, professors, and basically everyone in my life are so supportive and kind and thoughtful and generous! I really appreciate each and every one of them!
  • My creative sparks and motivations for anything and everything I enjoy are returning! It’s a great thing, being inspired!
  • I’m getting involved in not only reading books for my Senior Thesis but also for pleasure. Currently on my nightstand/dresser are Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin and a book about finding Prince Charming.
  • I’ll be going up to Iowa to be with family for Thanksgiving, which I’m really looking forward too. Plus, my friend J will be up there, and it’ll be a great opportunity to spend time together again!
  • I’m officially an aunt (albeit not in the blood-related sense)!!! One of my closest friends from high school just had a beautiful baby daughter last Tuesday! I’m so excited to meet her, hold her, and shower my love and attentions upon her! What a great way to soothe my biological alarm clock and maternal instincts kicking in. I know now is most certainly not the time to have a baby, so I will be able to satisfy myself with S and soon to be coming H in December! Babies, babies, babies, everywhere!
  • My financial issues have been worked out, thank goodness. So now I’ll be extra careful about my spending habits. That’s important, though. I really need to become vigilant and responsible about my expenses because six months from now I’ll be thrust into the real world of working to pay back these wonderful college loans (note my sarcasm).
  • I’m still in love with Florence + The Machine’s new album! I can see myself being as innovative and creative with some of my music and lyrics I’ll write someday!
  • My second chance at a real relationship will be one month old as of this Thursday. It’s hard to believe such a short time has passed in relation to everything we’ve gone through together. It’s fast yet slow. I’m so grateful for his presence in my life! In the short time we’ve known each other, he has removed every doubt or fear that a guy would have a hard time reaching the bar I’ve set since my first relationship. And B has not only reached that bar, he has flown over it in ways I thought were unfathomable! I could go on and on about him, but I’ll let you read my previous post and poem, “Time” that I wrote yesterday. My feelings for him can’t really be described, so I’ll let my poetry speak for itself. It’s wonderful, and I look forward to what the future holds for the two of us.
Well, I do believe it’s time for me to get to reading and homework now.
Enjoy the rest of your evening!
❤ Me

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Time

Time freezes

Every moment we come together

 

It is as if nothing else can touch us

Nothing else can hurt us

Nothing else can worry us

Nothing else matters

Nothing else exists

When I am embraced by you

 

I remember as if it was yesterday

The seventeenth of October

When I was with you

And you asked what was holding me back

From choosing you

 

I thought about it

Really searched within me

And discovered

That what was keeping me from

Deciding to be with you were

My own doubts

My own fears

My own worries

My own hesitancies

 

I did not think I was ready

For a new relationship

After being officially out of my first

For not quite one month

Despite not seeing him since

The middle of July

 

I did not want to think of you as

A rebound

And you are not one

You are unlike any other

 

In only four days

You showed me that

Honorable men do exist

In this world of disrespect

 

You showed me that

A real man treats a woman he cares about

With kindness

Compliments

Patience

Concern

Attention

Communication

Respect

Loyalty

Embraces

Kisses

And even more

Beyond my wildest imaginings

 

Best of all

You do not want to rush me

Or manipulate me into doing anything

That I am not ready for or willing to do

 

We have all the time in the world

And beyond

For whatever lies ahead of us

 

So that night

Almost a month ago

I took a risk and leap of faith

To say yes to you

And to whatever the future holds in store

For the two of us

 

I relinquish my habit of control

And planning months in advance

And worry about whether or not you care

And my issues about whether I am attractive enough

And my fears that who I am will turn you away

Because I know they are just doubts

That do not hold truth

 

Now it feels as if a year has passed

Despite the infancy of our newly-forged

Partnership

 

My care and love for you grow

Each day

In ways I have never felt before

These are new feelings

Different

And I welcome them

With all of my heart

Hoping and having faith that

You will be the one

Who reaches the center and paradise

That is my heart

 

❤ Me

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