Archive for August, 2011


September 3, 2007
A wrote this in reply to the previous poem, “You Can’t Be Right.” He based it lightly on a piece by Pablo Neruda. You’ll see how he captured my heart…

For me, I’ll never be alone, like the stars
Even as they hang aloft in lonely skies
They blaze forever a feeling that can never diminish
A thousand miles is no further than my reach
For I am always with you
In some blessed mountain, whispering
To waking leaves lined with silver trees, that
I’ll be waiting, so if you come, you’ll find me,
I promise

But like this place, we are all dying
Suffocating under guilt
I have made questions, which I can’t answer.
I need to know, but I guess it’s more important
To be known. And to you,
I’m neither.

But in this place, I feel like I have stepped out of time.
To a place where I feel you through the dark, so close as the night
Breaking upon day. A place where I does not exist, nor you
So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
Though this is time, nor am I out of it.

And so I bear these feelings, these thoughts
Which only certain dark things are to be dreamed of
In secret, between the shadow and the sould
I care for you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way
I feel you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
Yet not a word is said, nor gesture made, I’m saving them
For you.

So if you come, you’ll find me.
I promise.

For you, always. As always, all ways.



❤ Me

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I’ve decided to resurrect some of my older poetry from long ago and share it with you all. Some are happy, some are sad, and most all of them are complicated. Also, they are very personal, pertaining to what I have gone through in the past. I’ll also post some poetry that is written by others.It’s nice to be able to let the words flow from your fingertips to the paper. I miss that feeling. Hopefully I can be motivated to write some new poetry soon.Journeying back to 2007:

You Can’t Be Right

How can I start?
This feeling literally is beyond words,
Comprehension, thoughts,
Definitely beyond action. I can’t do
Not at all.
My conscience is too clear.
Too focused.
But wait, that’s not true.
You blur its vision,
Causing me to careen through my world,
Questioning myself.
This can’t be right.
You can’t be right.
Not at all.
And yet I’m drawn to you.
You’ve enchanted me
I’m casting my heart into the ocean,
Desperately hoping it’ll wash up to your shore
Where you’ll pick it up and hold it to your own.
This can’t be right.
You can’t be right.
I see his words reaching out to me.
I hear his voice calling out to me.
Suffocating me.
You’re different.
You’re selfless.
You know about him and
Still you push me in his direction.
Too late.
My head belongs to him,
But my heart cries for you.
God it hurts.
What in the world do you think of me?
My actions are loyal to him,
But my thoughts betray.
How can I face him?
Or you?
I can’t end it with him.
He’s a wonderful loving gift.
You can’t be right.
He may have my body, my touch,
My kiss,
My endearment and care.
But my heart is locked away,
And he doesn’t have the key.
Guess what?
I threw it in the ocean too.


Oh the memories are seeping back…

❤ Me

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Summer’s End is Near

Why hello there. Long time no see.I’m so sorry to say that my writing and blogging has gone by the wayside. I should really be making more time for it, but life has its way of coming up with more things for me to do. I haven’t even written in my journal about my experiences in Europe! Unfortunately, I had left it behind accidentally.

The rest of my time in Vienna was wonderful! I was even able to fly to Paris for my birthday! Finally a chance to utilize my French skills that I had been learning for the past 8 years! We saw all the major sights like le Tour Eiffel, Place de Concorde, Champs Elysées, Moulin Rouge, le Panthéon, Claude Monet’s home and gardens, le cémitière Père Lachaise, and many more places! It sure was a workout walking everywhere, but it was an amazing experience. A lot of pictures were taken, of course. The people there were a lot nicer and more helpful than I expected. Perhaps that’s because I spoke to them in French. I can’t wait to return there someday!

I saw many more operas in Vienna like Faust, Wagner’s legendary Der Ring des Nibelungen series (four operas that in total were approximately 20 hours long!), and La Sonnambula, Don Giovanni. It sure was a lot of standing, but it was definitely worth it to hear the phenomenal music performed. I also heard some beautiful orchestral pieces by a string quartet.

Classes went well, and I learned a lot. I admit I devoted more attention to exploring and soaking in Europe than paying attention to homework. I ended up with A’s and an A- though, so I’m happy.

In the end, I was getting pretty homesick and was ready to travel home. I missed my boyfriend, family, friends, and my dogs too much! 

The Vienna airport on the day we left was a mess and a madhouse! The lines to get boarding passes and check in were so long and reached all the way down the hall to the gift shop lane! It turns out that there was some kind of airport-wide system failure, and everything was shut down. Our plane was supposed to leave at 10:25am, but we didn’t end up taking off until after noon! We landed in Washington DC and waited in line for ages at custom before we could get to our connecting flight. Finally getting through with not much time to spare, we hightailed it across the entire airport because of course our gate was on the other side from where we came in. Just as we got there, we were told that the plane had already taken off. And so we had to arrange for another flight back to St. Louis. The next flight would be after 10pm! So we were stuck in the airport with a 5-hour layover. At least the airport had free Wi-fi. It was after midnight when my family and I finally pulled into my driveway. It felt good to be home.

My airplane adventures weren’t over. Late May I flew up to Kirksville to spend a few days with my wonderful boyfriend! As we were getting my bags and loading up the car, he told me to look into the glovebox. Inside it was a little velvet square box… It was a promise ring!!!!! I was so thrilled! It was so beautiful! There were additional stones that I could interchange in the center of the band! Yay for matching my ring with my outfit! We had many good times, and I finally got a chance to meet some of his friends. As an early birthday present, I gave him a hat that I had bought in Austria during my trip that said Wien, Austria with a crest on it (not sure of what). He loved it and wore it all the time! Hats are a great love of his, and he rarely goes without wearing one! We also saw Pirates of the Caribbean 4, which I loved. (Interestingly enough, a song from the soundtrack of that movie just came on my iTunes. How fun is that!) Cuddling and spending time in his arms was the best part though. It was too bad that he was sick for most of it. I took good care of him, nursing him to better health. 

My mom and brother met up with us, and we headed out to Council Bluffs, Iowa for a Memorial Day reunion. It was lots of fun spending time with cousins, aunts, and uncles. I particularly had a nice time bonding with my cousin L and her two sons. One strange thing happened. I lost my voice. It got to the point where I couldn’t really speak at all! I didn’t catch it from my boyfriend though. That wasn’t a part of his symptoms. Eventually it came back.

I was very lucky to be able to spend time with my love once more this Summer too! He was going through some difficulties, so my mom and I drove all the way up to Kirksville to pick him up and take him back home with us. We didn’t get back until roughly 2am, but it was very worth it. We were able to put together a great celebration of his birthday! Cake, candles, and all! We also went to the St. Louis Zoo and took lots of fun pictures. Life was wonderful during those days we spent together. I love him so much!

Next wonderful milestone was attending the midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part Two. I went with my good friend D, who is always my midnight release buddy. We’ve gone to so many together! She came over early, and we watched Part One together and had amazing Domino’s pizza, my favourite pizza ever! I crave it all the time! Waiting in line was good fun; I brought Harry Potter trivia questions to amuse ourselves with. It really was a madhouse with over 2,000 people there! Right before we were going into the theatre, I spotted I and convinced him to stand with us. He had made some wands for us as well as Butterbeer and Butterbeer cupcakes! Boy was I on a sugar high that night! The movie was amazing, and I cried several times! It was a bittersweet experience! I loved the soundtrack so much! It was sad to see the movies come to an end. 

My Harry Potter adventures are not over, though! There’s Pottermore! It isn’t open to the public yet, but through a special challenge I was able to register early and get the awesome opportunity to be a part of the first group of people to enter it and shape the experience before it’s formally opened to the public! It was such a fun time waiting up all night for the clue to show up and find the magical quill! Now the wait for my Welcome Letter is upon me. I can’t wait to get officially sorted! It just makes me so excited!

D also recommended me a new series to read called The Mortal Instruments. I got the four currently released books and just gobbled them all up! City of Bones, City of Ashes, City of Glass, and City of Fallen Angels. They are so awesome! I highly recommend them to everyone! A movie will be made of the first one and will be released someday! Not sure when, seeing as they’ve only cast two of the main characters. I have to wait until May 2012 for the fifth book to be released! Poo!

I’ve been reading so many books this summer! Lots ended up being parts of series, so I kept reading and reading, staying up until the wee hours of the morning so I could finish them all. I missed those days when I would just soak up the pages and become immersed in the other times and worlds. I love how I can walk to a library! It’s so useful! 

Bad news about this summer was that I wasn’t able to get a job… I applied to 6 places but never heard back from them! It would be pointless to try out here anymore since Summer’s nearly over. I won’t fret too much because I’ll have an ushering position at the Rep open for me to take once more. I’m going to try and apply to work at the library as well. 

I’ve been biking a lot and making changes to my diet and have noticed positive results from it! I’m using a Shakeweight too! I know they look silly in use, but there’s definitely good coming to my arms. That’s about 10 pounds gone and a more toned and slimmed body! Yay!

My dogs Duke and Daisy are doing well. There have been lots of fun times spending time and playing with them. Duke is such a playful sweetheart that doesn’t fail to make me laugh. Daisy had a bad case of hot spots and had to get some antibiotics and conditioning from the vet. She’s improved now, though. 

I ordered my books and everything for my classes, and I’m getting anxious to get back in the swing of things! I’ll be living in a 2-person apartment this year with my friend A. Hopefully this experience goes well. Every single year at the university I’ve lived with someone different. All had their ups and downs. It’s a good way for me to explore a wide array of personalities. 

This is quite a lengthy post! I think I’ll leave it at this for now. I shall return sooner than later!

❤ Me

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